Worst News

Already too much on hand and amidst the mess, getting news of mom getting detected with stomach cancer stage 4... I don't consider myself emotional person and I am in control and my senses and in position to accept the realities.. but looking at dad, thinking of how things will unfold, does make me nervous.

She is undergoing her first chemo and within 24hrs I can see her weakening, ageing and completely exhuasted. We haven't shared the reality with her as yet - not sure, how she would take it wen eventually we will need to tell her..

Quiet decision

Today I made a decision that has been slowly forming in the background for a while. I have decided to resign from my current role.

Ever since our company was acquired, the culture and the way things work have changed in ways that I find difficult to align with. I tried giving it time, telling myself that transitions take a while and that things might eventually settle into something that feels right. But over time it became clearer that the direction and the environment are not something I can comfortably continue with.

It's not easy decision, without another job in hand, but I think I need this peace of my mind to keep my health in order.

More than anything, I felt like talking this through with someone at length today. Sometimes you just need a long conversation to unpack a decision like this. But timing, as it often does, had other plans.

So for now, this post will have to hold those thoughts.

Waiting for clarity

There are phases in life when everything feels like it is standing at a crossroads, but there are no signboards.

Right now feels like that.

At home, conversations are heavy. There is visible annoyance about the one friendship that still feels steady in my life. It makes me question myself in ways I did not expect to. How do you hold on to something that gives you strength, without hurting someone else in the process?

At work, it is an endless cycle of mergers, restructuring, discussions, and uncertainty. Decisions are happening around me, but none feel like mine. There is no clear path, no defined future, just constant movement without direction. I find myself unable to take any big call, almost frozen by the weight of not knowing.

And then there is my mother’s health. Reports come in, more tests get advised, but clarity never arrives. Every update feels incomplete. It is a strange helplessness, wanting answers and getting only more waiting.

In all three spaces, the theme is the same. Confusion. Uncertainty. No clear direction.

Maybe this phase is about learning to sit with discomfort instead of solving it immediately. Maybe clarity does not always come in one big moment, but slowly, quietly.

For now, I am just trying to stay steady in the middle of it all.

Song that feel different everytime

There are a few songs that feel different every single time you hear them. Same lyrics, same tune, but somehow they meet you in whatever mood you are in. On good days, they feel hopeful. On heavy days, they feel like they understand something you can’t quite explain. It’s strange how a song can stay the same, but you keep changing around it.

Tu Hi Re from Bombay movie was one such song for me and now I have one more.. Waqt Ki Baatein by Dream Note.

Restart. Hobby.

Sometimes you don’t restart things because you have extra time. You restart them because life feels a little too predictable. This feels like one of those necessary disruptions.

So I am officially restarting my hobby today by picking up a committee position. It feels like my way of giving back to the society that helped me take this hobby more seriously in the first place.

Friendship... After all these years

Friendship has a strange way of marking time.

It has been twenty five years since I first knew her. A person who slowly became a friend, then someone I shared almost everything with. For nearly a decade, there was time, conversations, presence, and the comfort of knowing someone was always there. Then life happened. Marriage, different cities, different priorities. Distance crept in quietly, and at some point the connection stopped, not because of a fight or a choice, but because life decided to move things around.

I do not blame anyone for how it turned out. Some friendships are not meant to end loudly. They just fade, even when the care remains. Looking back, it feels less like loss and more like acceptance. Life has its own way of playing out, and not everything stays the way we hope it will.

I wish her well. Happy Friendship Day, and a great 2026.

But this time, I am not letting it go quietly.

Now there is someone else. Almost two years of knowing her, and in that short time, the connection feels deeper in ways I did not expect. Different from before, but just as important. Rather much more. This time, I am aware of how fragile these bonds can be.

I know I cannot control how life unfolds. But I do know this. I am not losing you. Some friendships deserve effort, presence, and choice. And this time, I intend to choose. Happy new year to you and I wish you a year filled with least stress and lots of smile.

Some connections do not fade because they were weak. They fade because life rearranges itself without asking. Time, distance, and silence slowly do their work, and one day you realise something meaningful has become a memory without ever becoming a goodbye.

What stays with me is awareness. The understanding that closeness needs more than feelings. It needs effort, presence, and choice. Without those, even the strongest bonds can loosen quietly.

So now, when something feels real, I pay attention. I show up more. Not out of fear, but out of respect for what it is. This is not about holding on tightly. It is about not letting go carelessly.

This Time, Anonymously

As life takes its course

Almost twenty years ago, this blog was just a place where I wrote whatever came to mind. There was no structure, no plan, and no filter. It held thoughts, moods, small moments, and things that felt important only at that point in time. At some stage, life took over and the writing slowed down. Eventually, in a moment of anger, I deleted it all.

I do not want to get into why that happened. It is enough to say that it taught me something. This time around, writing anonymously feels like the right choice. It takes away the pressure and makes it easier to be honest, without second guessing every word or worrying about how it might be taken.

This space is not meant to follow a theme or serve a purpose. It will include anything and everything. Things happening around me, things my heart reacts to, random thoughts, frustrations, happiness, and moments that make no sense but still feel worth writing down. It is more like everyday personal ranting than anything that looks like proper writing.

I do not know how often I will write or how long I will keep this going. The hope is to not drop it quietly again, the way I did before. And even if that happens, at least this restart exists as a reminder that I wanted to come back and try, without expectations. For now, that feels enough.